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Jerry Ferlanghetti- Sex Toy Vaudevillian


Oh no! Lady! Don’t do it! You’ve got too much to live for! No!! Everyone step aside! I’m a doctor. Oh my God ladies and gentlemen. I have some terrible news. This woman… is a blow up doll! Thank you! My name is Jerry Ferlenghetti and this, let’s give it up for the Incredible Lisa! Folks, in this city everybody’s got a schtick and mine is: I find old sex toys and I use them in my Vaudeville act! Now a lot of people tell me “Jerry. That’s disgusting.” And they’re not wrong in some respect. But it is my personal belief that no person or thing should be treated like a sexual object even if they are literally a sex object. Take for example this dildo I found underneath my seat at the AMC Theater in Kip’s Bay during a midnight showing of Molly’s Game. Apparently for someone “the Game” wasn’t fun enough.Now I know what you’re thinking. Folks, this looks like a cucumber. Not a dildo at all! I will tell you I know for a fact it is not a cucumber because I tried to eat it. It is definitely an old, used dildo. You can tell by the taste! A lot of people think that the only thing you can do with a dildo is shove it up your hoo-ha. But the fact is, there’s all kinds of things you can do with a dildo! For example this scene, which I have written. “Order! Order in the court! Oh no! Somebody has replaced my judges gavel with a dildo! Counsels. Dildo please approach the bench? Dildo swear to tell the truth?” And scene thank you! Or this old chestnut! “Oh look at me! I’m Chris-dildo Columbus! I dildoscoverred America! Oh! And there it is! Dild-hoh!” And scene thank you! Or this old one I call this one The Dil-days of our Lives “Dildo marry me? I dildo.Dil death dildo us part.” But then many years later: “Oh no my husband! He is dil-dead! But I am too young to be a dildow! Good thing I’ve got this dildo…” And scene! Who wants to watch me juggle some Ben-wah Balls? Where did I put those… Oh right. They’re up my butt. .


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